I'm sure you've heard about the so-called Hilary Rosen "attack on stay-at-home moms," the latest in the so-called Mommy Wars that has been spreading around the web like a herpes outbreak in a freshman dorm. And everyone seems to be weighing in on it, including the official experts on being a mother such as Rush Limbaugh and Karl Rove (I read articles on Fox News this morning. I had to go lay down for a while afterwards.) So as A) a stay-at-home mom and B) someone with a blog I figured I can spout off on the subject, too! Yay internet!
At first I sort of found myself agreeing with the conservative pundits (ugh, I know) but then I thought about it and realized that they're missing the mark. It's less about SAHM vs. WOHM and more about respecting women and their right to make different choices. And different does not mean better or worse, and it does not mean that I get to judge you or that you get to judge me. As a SAHM and a feminist I believe that choice is really the key.
I stay home with my children because I want to. And yes, I do actually feel lucky enough to be able to. My very best friend has a four-year old and is pregnant and not only works full time, but is also earning her BA in her spare time (what spare time?) I generally feel all we're not worthy about this because there is no way I could handle that. I would have had multiple nervous breakdowns by now. But she has stated that she couldn't deal with being a SAHM. And you know what? That's fine. And me not working? Also fine.
I think ultimately this whole debate boils down to the fact that mothering (parenting) is really hard and scary and there isn't one right way to do things. None of us wants to screw this up, though of course we will. I screw up all the time. It happens. Maybe if we all just focused on doing our best and not worrying about the screw ups of others or a perceived lack there of we'd all be better off.
And forget about the pundits and the blow-hards and the politicans and the judging brigade. Because in the end the only people you have to answer to are your children. And let's face it, they're going to blame you for all their problems regardless. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to my soaps.