Your baby is gross

When I was pregnant for the first time, I toyed with the idea of using cloth diapers. I eventually decided not to for the same reason most people do: it's kind of icky. What I didn't realize then, as a blissfully ignorant first-time pregnant lady, is that babies are actually kind of icky period. If you are yet to have your first child, let me lay it out for you: After your baby is born you will be blindsided and overwhelmed with the astounding amount of love you feel for you child. You will also find yourself reaching the highest level of tolerance for disgusting things that is possible.

There is a lot of poop involved. And vomit (call it spit up all you want, it's vomit), and pee. And various other fluids that you won't be able to identify that leaked from god-knows-what orifice. It will get all over the baby, it will get all over the furniture, it will get all over you. It is gross. And one day, in a haze of sleep-deprivation and frazzled nerves and three-day-old clothes, you will see a smudge of brown on your shirt, wipe it up with a finger, and taste it to determine whether it's chocolate or poop. Don't look at me like that, you will. And you will not care.

So it was with this new knowledge that I switched to cloth diapers when Boy was about a year old. It was...kind of fun, actually. It turned something that was awful and gross into something that was awful and gross and a little bit cute. He had this fluffy colorful animal decorated butt instead of an ugly paper one with Barney on it (remember Barney? Did someone finally curb stomp that bastard?) Yeah, he was pooping in them, sure. But he was pooping and drooling and snotting all over his hand-me-down Gymboree rompers, too, so whatever. Washing Machines exist for a reason.

It was also less expensive, especially when you factor in using the same diapers for three kids. And we still use some of them as cleaning rags. We are broke and I am cheap so that's a win as far as I'm concerned. But I'm also lazy. And I promise that it really wasn't that much more work using cloth.

So the next time you find yourself catching puke in your cupped hands and you wonder, how has this become my life? I want you to wipe your hands off on your sweatpants and ask yourself, could using cloth diapers really be any worse?

3 comments:

  1. My niece has never had anything but a cloth diaper and they are so much bulkier than the regular kind that she looks like she has the biggest butt in the world! My sister wouldn't go any other way and totally liks every aspect of the cloth diaper. Even the perpetual laundering of them!

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  2. They are bulky! But then you can make fun of their giant bubble butts, so that's something. Hard to find jeans to fit over them, though. Baby jeans are the cutest.

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  3. You are brave! I went the fill-our-landfills route. But, if I had it to do over again, maybe I would give it a try! (oh, and - as for Barney, we can only hope!). Came from finding the funny!

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